what is home?

Coming-of-Age, Creative Writing, Philosophy

But this is the place I found my spirit So I know I’m home

- "Middle of Nowhere," Vancouver Sleep Clinic

i wanna go home.

this is what some people say after a long day,

after u lose,

after a hard day,

when u think of the late future

when it feels hard to swallow, to breathe.

but home is more than housing,

home is your inner child.

home is all the complex relationships of those who share your blood

home is blurry visions, imaginations of emotion, color

home is faded green trauma for some, a sunset-orange haven for others

deep red shaky abuse for others, scarlet safe security for some

home is the root of patterns, styles, views, values

of all the trunks and stems and leaves of plants that grow over time

home is more than housing,

home is a journey.

home is where new roots are planted

like the carrots' and tomatoes' or even perilla leaves' roots in the backyard garden

where bonds are renewed

like that renovation attempt in the garage consisting of superglue

home is more than housing,

home is engraved memories.

home is an image of warm, gooey, chewy cookies in front of a crackling fireplace

or crackling sounds of birch hits

of coming comfortably home after an adventurous day of school

to wafting smells of food and the couch and TV

or wafting smells of chemicals or ethanol

home is barbeque days with smiles and golden sunlight frozen in time

meaty smoke staining clothes

or coughing smoke while red splotches instead stain

home is singing gathered near the piano while snow falls outside

to falsetto screams between one sharp hurled word to another

home is more than housing,

home is a concept, a season of passed life

home is a simple time

to a complicated, intricately-woven enigma

for some, home is non-existent.

a distant anticipation, often-pondered painting

home is a reflection, a longing of your past self

a timestamp, a fleeting autumn you wish

was lasting

but when i say "i wanna go home"

i am often at home

in my adolescent housing

surrounded by all factors that created my inner child

with the same engraved memories

i just want to feel safe and cradled

free of confusion

grateful to have had something like

that kind of home

"I want to go home. i will always want to go home. even when i am at home i want to go home. but i'm not really thinking of a place, it's more that feeling of everything finally being over, of seeing the light in the windows of your house on a cold night, of being safe, the relief of leaving a party you're not enjoying, like when you felt sick at school and they sent you home, or when you got upset at a sleepover and they called your parents i want my mam to come get me. i want to go home."

- seashellronan